You are not alone. Every year, millions of Americans break under the stress of putting together a last-minute Halloween costume. But the decision making and paint slapping on your cheeks is not the worst part. The worst comes when all your cool coworkers, friends and acquaintances roll their eyes at you. Because you are the slacker with the stupid costume.
This year, Tonic Ball will help you out! With helpful pointers, you will find the perfect coat of many colors to pull off a very spooky and thoughtful Tonic Ball-inspired look.
James Brown
What you need for disguising your non-Godfather-of-Soul sad self: A three-piece suit, polished black shoes and a shiny cape.
How to assemble: Before you do anything, look up live performances of James Brown on Youtube. It is not a great feeling to get caught off guard at a party where you are impersonating James Brown, and someone asks you to do one of his signature moves. Next, ask your local cool grandpa/recent groom/prom king to let you borrow their snazzy outdated best. For a cape, dig through the Christmas box in the basement and wrap the first glittery tablecloth or tree skirt you find around your neck.
The Cure
What you need to Robert Smith your look: All the make-up samples you can get your hands on and a hair comb.
How to assemble: Close your eyes and forget everything you know about applying makeup. Your face is your canvas, make sure those eyes and mouth are colored! Now take the hair comb and throw it in the trash bin.
Dolly Parton
What you need to let your inner Dolly shine through: A mirror and lots of hair (a gigantic wig, perhaps).
How to assemble: Look at your self and think of all the people who you love and love you back. Love is like a butterfly, let the multicolored moods wash over you. Now put some tight jeans on and practice hitting those high notes!
Wilco
To embody Yankee Hotel Foxtrot: Two full-body corn on the cob costumes, 12 cans of sepia-tone spray paint and a friend.
How to assemble: Call up your bud and have them wear the corn costumes while you spray them gray. Work out the harmonies from War on War while you let them dry. You are Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.
Simon & Garfunkel
Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Only if you are a short dark-haired lad with a tall curly headed friend (or vice versa, but really, you wanna be the short dark-haired lad).
How to assemble: Just make sure your dated outfits match perfectly. From there, you can tap into any of their vibes from the brooding proto-goth Sounds of Silence, folksy collegiate 59th Street Bridge Song, or just avoid each other and express your bitterness for the perfect breakup vibe.
All images via Wikimedia Commons.